Jaane Kaha Gaye Woh Din !!!

I'm feeling foolish and stupid. Not that I feel any different any other time of the day (or for that matter month or year, too) but I'm feeling particularly foolish. I was watching television the other day, randomly pressing buttons according to my wish and fancies when I stopped inadvertently at Doordarshan. The waviness of the channel was now a thing of the past and one could actually see the people without lines dancing up and down the bodies of the actors, which took me back to my childhood (which isn't too far behind). And all the stupid things I'd done. And I'm going to top it all up by publicly revealing all those things.

When I was in the fifth grade, Saif Ali Khan had more hair than Kareena Kapoor and Aamir Khan perfected the art of flops with Mela. And it was good. Rani Mukherjee's thighs spanned the entire screen. And, Subhash Ghai made movies like Pardes. It was an innocent time when Karan Johar made a campus movie with a signature move (remember the claps and the short touching on the nose?).

The gorilla-like gestures in KKHH were a rage among youngsters.I still remember a girl in my class got a haircut exactly like Kajol, and all the boys expecting her to turn up in short skirts next, only to our utter dismay, she turned up in school uniform and beat the hell out of us inthe mid- terms.

I remember when I had gone to watch KKHH in Anjali Theatre (yes, you may laugh), the power went off and one particular guy referred to the theatre owner's sister and ordered him to start the movie or face dire consequences (something related to bamboo going somewhere not very nice).

Film names were complete sentences (Har Dil Jo Pyaar Karega, Hum Toh Mohabbat Karega,Hum Dil DE Chuke Sanam, Hum Aapke Hai Kaun, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge and so on). We didn't have the near-perfect Deepika Padukone or the hunk-like Ranbir Kapoor then. We grew up on the Suniel Shetty (with his sinusoidal dialogue delivery), Jackie Shroff (who wasn't prehistoric), Govinda (who occupied a single seat) and the Khan brigade (without the appendixes like Zayed and Fardeen, etc), Sunny (Gadar) Deol with his audible best .

Hrithik Roshan had just burst on to the scene and his extra thumb was the talk among the girls: “Did you see his extra finger? Wow na!” At a camp, a guy had given me a random number and told me that it was Hrithik's number, and out of sheer curiosity, I had dialled the number not once, not twice but nine times! I demanded to speak to Hrithik every time and I wouldn't listen to any explanation whatsoever from the man who had tried telling me that the number belonged to a certain army officer. Only when he threatened to drop in home with an AK-47 (I knew it was a gun which went 'dhadhadhadhadhadha' thanks to Bollywood) did I stop bothering him. That was a close one.

TV was simpler. I remember Star Sports showing WWF (nay, WWE). Somewhere around 2001 was the peak for the single biggest fraud to have ever graced television. 'Stone Cold Steve Austin' was my role model, and Stacy Kiebler my fantasy. We used to wait for the Diva Specials just for the brief glimpse of the heavenly bodies. Broadband Internet was yet another fantasy and we would have had to sell ourselves to afford live streaming of, ahem, educational videos. In fact, I actually thought live streaming was impossible. I'd argued with my friend once saying, “Pagal hai kya? 25 MB ka video online kaise dekhega?” Of course, we also watched Undertaker vs. Mankind in the cage match where Mankind was thrown off the cage. But then there was Trish Status. Sigh. Ambling between the two was all we did during school lunch.

MTV and Channel V showed music videos, where Sameera Reddy was a demure girl, and John Abraham a simple biker in Pankaj Udhas (!) videos. Little did we know that Sameera Reddy would b right into our faces a few years later, or that John Abraham's butt would take biology to an altogether different level. The Aryans brayed like donkeys but we still listened to their songs. Boy bands and Britney were in fashion.

While listening to Backstreet Boys, my friend and I would listen to two lines, look at each others' faces, and ask, “Kya bola yeh? Samjha kya?” Only a few months back did I realise that the second line to 'Show Me The Meaning' was not “Is this the meaning I need to wanted”. I knew there was something wrong with my version, but then I'd never dared to question the wis-dom of the Backstreet Boys.

The only nudity on TV was Sourav Ganguly's hairy chest after India won the Natwest Trophy. And that was perhaps the only moment in history when the sight of a man baring his chest was met with countrywide approval and glee from men and women didn't give two hoots about it. The only reality on TV was that Baa was immortal and Tulsi was responsible for population explosion. her children were scattered around the country (perhaps one for each state?).

Our knowledge of politics too was limited to Advani's croaking and Vajpayee's 0.25X-speed speeches. I distinctly remember myself asking my father during the PM's speech, “Iske pehle wala word kya tha?” There were no blogs, no Facebook, no webcomics. If we had to express our opinion to someone, we had to speak our minds. Kids these days are smart though. Just a few days back, when conversation veered uncomfortably towards youth role, my stories debited more than their fair share of laughter from my 16-year old neice. She asked me, “Mama Bachpan mein you were really dumb, na?” I still am, dear bhanji. I still am. And it's public knowledge now...

-- Piiyush

a ray of hOpe !!!

Dear 'Ex',

We don't talk too often anymore. We don't spend nights on the phone wanting to be in each other's arms.

Yet on some lonely nights, I miss those talks. I miss your voice which for some strange reason, sounded sexier in the silence of the night. I miss having the urge to sleep in your arms. I miss comforting you after a nightmare, telling you I will stay on the phone till you sleep again(though i was sleepy). I miss pretending to sleep just to hear the sweet things you'd say and to feel the butterflies when you'd kiss me goodnight before disconnecting the call... 

We don't meet too often anymore. Hell, we barely even see each other on our own will. It is mere co incidence that we happen to cross each other and even then, we behave like the other barely exists.

Yet on some graceful evenings, I miss having you around. I miss walking with you, slipping my fingers lightly into you. I miss being held while crossing the road. I miss being looked at like there was nothing more beautiful that you've ever seen. God I miss you so much........ 

We don't hug anymore. I barely even touch you for a hand shake for your touch scares me now. Yet I miss your warm embrace. I miss how you'd pull me into a hug when I'm upset and say,"I don't know how to make you okay. Just don't be sad" and how I'd laugh at your innocent efforts amidst the frowns. I miss your hearty hug when you'd grab me and I'd have to look for air to breathe when there was some news to rejoice over.

We don't look into each other's eyes anymore. We barely even look at each other all the little times we meet. It is not like we dislike each other now. It is just that we don't want to make it awkward for the other. Yet, I miss being intoxicated by the agonizingly beautiful brown, liquid centered eyes. I miss having to look for support after looking into your eyes. I miss being looked at with those eyes that spoke so much more than you could ever express.

Today, so many days after I said good bye to you, not knowing when I will have you back again, not knowing if that will ever happen. Back then, you were the craziest thing that happened to me. Back then, I thought I couldn't live without you and being attached to you was something I couldn't control. Back then, I believed that we were all that we could be.

I was wrong. I did learn to live without you and I'm happy if not delighted without your constant interference.
Even though I love my life and that I can't ask for anything more, sometimes I do realize that no matter how much I try to deny the fact that you're not important, may be, just may be you do matter and that you're missed.You're still special to me because once upon a time, you meant the world.

Amidst all the differences that broke us apart, I just want you to know, that may be I still love you.. And I know you love me too.. However, I really wish how much that was enough for you to come back..

Sincerely,
Your 'Ex' who still hopes you'd come back someday

I still miss you !!!

There's a folder of pictures I can't open.
There's so many songs that don't sound the same.
There's a number I can't dial and a message I can't send.
There's a restaurant I can't eat at, not with any friends.
There's words and names I can only say in my head.
There's a pair of eyes that belong to you, that I can never look into again.

New Innings !!!!!!!

To somebody who is/was very special,

I am absolutely fine now. Life after a harsh struggle of four years, is falling upon the right track. These four years were like hell fire. Let me be brutally honest to you, at times I felt like quitting and putting an end to everything! I did not expect life to be a bed of roses. But I did not know it would be a bumpy ride full of hair pin bents either.

I did not expect any favours from you - including monetary expectations. But yes I expected your patient ear. Yes I expect your hands to caress me and rub my back. Yes expected your voice to sooth my ears. Yes I expected your presence, as mere being in your company would have soared my spirits. I expected your deep glance, which would assure me “everything will be alright.’

But maybe I was being unreasonable in my expectations. Rather expecting anything was my biggest mistake. When I called you, most of the times you did not pick my calls. You did not even bother to call me back. You yourself confessed that there was no particular reason for not attending the calls. When you picked the phone (if I were lucky) and uttered the word ‘halo’ my pouncing heart got some relief and your single word was enough to make my day a better one. But your following words ‘Don’t be a cry baby’, ‘you cannot change fate’, ‘I can’t help it’ made my days even sadder. I knew I was crying and whining and I knew you could not help it. As regards fate, I never believed it and I do not even believe it today, after four long years of suffering. I gave my best shot, did all the efforts I could, but things did not work out. Yes, I thank God or the Supreme soul or positive energy (I am still confused which of these exists) for all my blessings. But I still do not believe in the fate.

Let me be honest, your words were true, but were too lethal. Your words pierced my tender heart and shattered it into pieces. To add to my misery, everyone around me had a very supporting network and people to fall back upon. Further there was no reason for you being so dry and indifferent. There was no love lost between us, there were no arguments, no ego clashes -there was absolutely nothing to sour our relation. I wonder till date why you remained so untouched and aloof to my lonely sufferings.

Today I have collected all the pieces of my life and am trying to put them together. I have started a new inning of life. Yes, I agree with you that this experience has made much more confident and a much better person. But how can I attribute your indifference towards my sufferings as a crucial factor in my development as a person? I do not wish to analyze whether you are right or wrong. But how can you be so blunt? You assert that you are always there for me, but why are you not being vocal about your feelings and assure me that you reciprocate my feelings.

Do not feel guilty. Let me make it very clear, you were special and continue to be one. I am very happy today and I do not blame you for my sufferings. I have learnt not to react form the heart, but from the little thing on my shoulders. I know you would not call me to wish good luck and expect me (as always) to understand that your best wishes are always with me. I have moved on and realised that there are no reasons at all for the behaviour of people. My new inning of life has started and I am looking forward to make it big. Forgive me for boasting, but I am confident that I will make it big even this time without requiring any one to boost my morale. Because now I know that I am my best friend!