........................ Whats Your Rashi ??

Hope You all Have a rocking year ahead especially after reading this ;) 

And please update your zodiac signs in the comment box below :P

 

Capricon (December 22 - January 19)
If you haven’t celebrated your birthday already, there is a great chance that you will before 19th Jan.
You may or may not find true love this year. It’s a fifty-fifty chance to be honest. Your lucky colours this year are fluorescent orange and magenta. Well not really but once you’re dressed like that it can’t get any worse. Wish you all the luck which you deserve !!

 Aquarius (January 20 -February 18)
It seems like the second month of the year is flying by too fast, but that’s because February has 28 days!!! Good news and bad news for those of you who have been trying to get a promotion – you will get more responsibility and work longer hour’s…. only you won’t be financially compensated for the same. You’r lucky colours this year will be shades of gold, yellow, bronze, green. All of this of course is pure speculation.

 Pisces (February 19 - March 20 )

You will be presented with many opportunities to make unexpected financial gains this year. Keep reminding yourself that end of the season sales are bad ideas. Try flying kites, make paper boats, aeroplanes. This might help you in gaining your self-confidence. True love will come knocking on your door….only to find out that you aren’t home. Your lucky number is the square of 414133 multiplied by the cube root of 6.34 [Special Advice – I suggest you Invest in a 12 digit scientific calculator]

 

Aries (March 21 - April 19 )
Pay close attention to Mundane details this year. Change your barber saloon. Brush your teeth twice a day and wash your hands after you use toilet. And remember if it burns when you pee, it’s probably something serious go visit a civil engineer as soon as possible.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20 )
You will feel optimistic [not optimus-prime] and vibrant throughout the year. Unfortunately no one gives a damm about that. Accept this harsh reality as soon as possible. You will meet your soul mate in this month of May. Sadly he/she is already taken. Don’t bother with lucky numbers and colours .This year is going to be one of your worst. On the brighter note this won’t be “THE WORST”

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will meet an attractive person from the opposite sex on a popular social networking site. A week later that person will reveal to you that he/she is infact a fat 45yr old uncle/aunty in an open relationship. I suggest you to abandon Facebook and head over to www.babashamdev.com at once. Wear a cyan-striped shirt with lilac coloured pants every Monday. This won’t change your luck, but it will at least brighten everyone else’s Monday.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will suffer from at least one common cold this year due to an unexpected change in the weather. Your boss will finally grant you that much awaited vacation leave …only he will pronounce it as “lay-off”. Students please don’t mess with your college office peon. Around the second half year you will meet your soul-mate. Unfortunately this is the same 45yr old uncle/aunt. I have already warned Gemini about this. You’re lucky colour is white, but every time you wear it a crow will poop on you.

Leo (July 23 - August 22 )
Besides weight gain, acne and unexplained hair growth, you will also make a small financial gain in the game of the housie. Do not trust Irfan Khan, lifetime prepaid sucks. You will travel a lot this year unfortunately your boss won’t pay you for this. Embarrassing details that have been hidden and forgotten may resurface this year. Destroy your 10th slambook at once.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22 )
There is a strange possibility of a change of residence after the bank seals your flat. Try watching IPL season four this year and please don’t curse Mumbai Indians the only eligible team to make finals this year [hope so] And if you curse this team you will develop nasty rash in an unmentionable place which will seriously hamper your sex life be sure to use your ointment. Your lucky number is the square of your pant size and cube of your dad’s shoe size (I've suggested Pisces to invest in 12 digit scientific calculator, you may borrow it).

Libra (September 23 - October 22 )

You will be determined to make a difference at work/college with your enthusiasm and optism, but I am really sorry to say that you will fail miserably. Don’t quit your job I suggest you to continue to half-ass your job. And old flame will return to your life resulting in some exciting romantic encounters. Unfortunately your patner will catch you in the act and dump you on the spot. Try to avoid Taurean’s , they’re going to have a miserable year ahead.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21 )

Plan a surprise for your loved one …. Dump him/her. A promising money making scheme will present itself this year. Let me remind you once again that the Scheme is a Scam. Try watching movies like RVG ki “AGG” and Khidki kholo sajna and television series like Indian Idol and some of fektaa kapoors daily soaps if intrested. Your lucky number is the sum of your phone number multiplied by the exact value of pie (Virgo might be helpful here). Got it !!

 Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21 )
Finance will be good as long as you stay away from the stock exchange market. A guest from a foreign land may visit you. This may also be an exotic virus. The only antivirus can heal this is the Mumbai famous “Atmaram antivirus” (40 bucks Chor Baazaar). Read varieties of newspaper in toilet. Donate all your money to people like me. Pay attention to what comes out of your nose. Your lucky number is 1.37 and lucky colour is Naseerudin Shah’s hair colour.